and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
