What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
