My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
