Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
