She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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