is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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