I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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