I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
