Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
