Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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