oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Acid is not a monday night drug
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
