It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
