dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
