for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Drunk is not a location!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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