His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize