I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
