I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
