Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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