you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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