There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize