So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
