Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
