So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
