it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
