Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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