I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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