Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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