Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
