Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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