I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I deserve this hangover.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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