The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
