I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You have to summon your inner elephant
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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