I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
