grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
