I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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