Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
