Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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