just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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