You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
