To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
