guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
