PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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