We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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