You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
two words: eviction party
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
