I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
