Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
