just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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