I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
