How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
