Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
