We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb