We named our party play list daddy issues
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..