my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
