I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila