You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
