drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
