You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
