i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
