Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
