we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
