if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize