Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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