I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize