oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
too bad you live with your parents still
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
