My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
