I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
