If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
