I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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