You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My pussy is not your playground.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
