at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
