he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
