I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
