i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
