It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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