my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
