bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
