i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
