He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
