"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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